


Kotoba ni Dekinakute

by maa_fuu



Category: Sexy Zone
Genre: I'm Bad At Titles, M/M, fumaken - Freeform, i'm back again with another angst, i'm bad at making new fic ideas, to celebrate Fumaken's birthdays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-07 18:23:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10366659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maa_fuu/pseuds/maa_fuu
Summary: It's his birthday, but something has lessen the joy and happiness that Fuma should feel today.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know that usually people make a happy fanfic on their favs birthdays, but I love angst (sorry orz) so this what I could do best for their birthdays.  
> I actually wanted to post it on Kento's birthdays, but I was sick so I couldn't finish it. And then when I started to continue writing this fic, something happened. I decided to put a little of the gloominess in the fic, but it seriously just a tiny bit, I made sure I didn't make this fic depressing.
> 
> Hope people will like this fic, and please forgive my bad English :")

He took off his boots and immediately went upstairs, avoiding his whole family.  
No, he wasn't angry with them. It just that he spent the day before pretending that everything was okay when actually it wasn't.  
It was his birthday. His parents surprised him on midnight, when he was already sleeping, and that made them giving him a confused and questioning looks. Because he usually still awake at midnight.  
But he didn't let his parents having any assumptions, so he played along. Tried his best to look so happy and gave them his widest smile.  
And then he was left alone again after eating cakes with his whole family. When he thought that was all that he could take, he forgot he still have to go to university in the morning. And so his play continued until he parted ways from his friends. He arrived a little after midnight and lucky for him, his family already fell deep in slumber.  
It's not that he wasn't happy with his family and friends' wishing him happy birthday, but there's a thing that lessen his happiness. The thing about Kento, and how they ended up in a fight.

They've been friend since middle school. They attended different school, both middle and high. But got to know each other through the juku they attended. Kento is (almost) a year older than him, so their class was different. But his best friend, Hokuto, is Kento's cousin, and through him they got to know each other. They've been good friend since then. Until a few months ago…

When Kento got into uni, he told Fuma his biggest secret. He told Fuma that he loves guys and he asked if he start to feel disgust or not. To be honest, Fuma didn't know what should he do at that time, but he knows Kento for years and he never makes him feeling uncomfortable, so he said almost not thinking at all, "it's okay, I know you and this new thing I learnt about you won't change our friendship". Kento smiled to that, of course. But, he realized later that knowing about him being a gay did change their friendship in a way that he wasn't ready to deal with. Before, when he didn't know, he'd laugh if Kento start acting a little bit girly, like when he said a pink teddy bear was cute or something alike. But after Fuma know his secret, he became more worried if Kento said "girly comments" whenever they were in public. He was worried if people would mistake them as a couple. 

Fuma once asked Hokuto about this. Hokuto said that he know about Kento's secret since they were in elementary, made him the first person who know this secret. And he was the one who keep supporting Kento all this time. He was even there with Kento when Kento confessed to his parents.  
Kento's parents were supporting too. They promised no matter what will happen in the future, they would always love their one and only child.  
But, even after listening to such story about how Kento's family support him so much, it didn't make him feel more comfortable.

It did escalate a few months ago. They were at Fuma's house, planning for a movie night when Fuma said something that offended Kento.  
"What? Seriously? That movie is so gay! I don't want to watch it" he said to him almost not thinking at all, but he undoubtedly hurt Kento's feeling. Silence suddenly engulfed them and when he realized what he just said to him, it was all too late.  
"Oh my God. No, Kento, I don't mean to... This is wrong" Fuma hurriedly apologized to Kento but the latter just looked down. Fuma could see that he was hurt by his words and he became panic because he didn't know what he should do to make everything okay again, to rewind everything he said and correct them.  
"Kento, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to hurt you or anything!" Fuma apologized once again and this time Kento stood and grabbed his bag.  
"I think I should go now" Kento said while gathered all his belongings.  
"Wait, wait!! Don't go! I said I'm sorry, okay!" Fuma said again and grab Kento's arms.  
"No, it is not okay. I think I've had enough, Fuma" Kento's response got him confused.  
"Huh? Enough of what?" Fuma asked him.  
"I know I've made you so uncomfortable whenever we were together! Ever since I came out to you, we are nothing but fake friends! And I've had enough about this!" Kento's answer just made him angry, he tighten his grips and forced Kento to stop and face him.  
"What are you even talking about?! You are my friend! I already said to you that no matter what you are, who you love, we will always be friends!!" Fuma tried to convince him but that just made Kento looked at him with a furious expression showing on his face.  
"Then can you still say it if I told that this friend of you is a gay who's in love with you?"  
The question shocked Fuma more than anything and he loosen his grip as he kept starring at Kento's face. Kento took the opportunity to say everything he wanted to say to Fuma all this time.  
"I'm in love with you! I know you didn't swing that way, so I just keep this feeling for me. But every time we were out in public you always look so uncomfortable. Our discussions sometime were forced. You pick your words so you didn't hurt my feelings but that actually what hurt me the most!" they both were silence. Fuma couldn't even look in Kento's eyes. And Kento seems like he just realized something then he continued. No more vehement on his voice.  
"When we were alone like this, you will also end up hurt my feelings, just like now. I guess you really can't handle it, being friend with a gay. So maybe we should just end this friendship. After all, we were nothing but fake friends, right?".  
What Kento said got Fuma look up to face him. They kept starring at each other's eyes for a moment before Kento finally break free from Fuma's grip, grabbed his bag and leave the room. This time, Fuma didn't try to stop him. Because at that moment he was so shocked he didn't know what to do.

Their fight actually got him thinking about Kento all the time. Suddenly all the things happened around, reminded him of Kento. When he listened to songs, he suddenly remember that they used to sing along whenever the songs were play on the radio. The food court, konbini, ice creams, dangos, the movie played on TV, even random CMs on the street reminded him of Kento. The street itself reminded him of Kento. The more he thinks about it, the more he realized that Kento has become necessary in his life. There’s no day when he spent alone without Kento ever since they got to know each other. And now he’s not there anymore, and Fuma felt clueless about future and life as whole.  
He spent the last months thinking about what Kento means to him. And he already found the answer. He needs Kento. And he loves him too. But he was afraid. Of course he would feel afraid. This was all new to him. He didn’t know what he should say to his parents, siblings, and friends. But he knows that Kento is worth it. He learnt how his life without Kento in the past months, and he sure didn’t want to experienced it any longer. He prepared his heart for the worst outcome with his families and friends. But he put aside that problem for a while, because he needed to deal with the first problem; make up with Kento. But this one problem somehow was harder to deal with than he thought. Because he honestly don’t know where he should start. 

When he sat on his bed, he could see something unfamiliar under his desk. A purple paper bag which wasn’t his. He stood again and walk across the room to look what’s inside. On the bag he could see a sticker notes with his mom’s handwriting.  
‘This was come this afternoon from Kento. You should give him a call and say thank you.  
I don’t know what happen to you two, but you should know that we love you no matter what and Kento is like our own son, so please make up.’  
Fuma raised one eyebrow after he read the notes. Maybe his parents have superman ability or something, but the note clearly state that they could smell something wrong between them. And if Fuma could hope more as he read the notes again and again, maybe his parents would approve them if they become a couple. But, yeah, first thing’s first. He should call Kento now. He got his phone from inside his jacket, and search for Kento’s number on his contact list. But when he finally found it, he lost the courage to call him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kento thought his birthday this year was the worst birthday in his life, but in the end, someone save the day and makes everything okay again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally done!  
> Actually I didn't mean to let the end to be like that, but since yesterday my timeline was full with Stage concert report and also Fumaken rajira, they just pushed me to end it like this lol XD  
> It might not make the best senses but I don't know I just feel like I should post it as it is XD  
> Sorry if it turns out bad, and sorry for my bad English.

Kento looked at the view from the window. He was planning to get home early but something happened that made him have to stay at the office until 9.  
Kento took a deep breathe, starred at his computer screen for another minute, checking everything he wrote for the report before send it to the manager.  
"Finally..." he said to himself. Then he collected all his belongings and stood up.  
The office wasn't empty when he wanted to leave, some of his colleagues also work overtime. He said goodbye to them first before finally leave the building.

He missed the bus just when he was a few meter away from the shelter. He sighed and waited for the next bus. There were around 7 people beside him in the shelter. He glanced at them. All of them were so fixed at their phones, and that made the phone he carried inside his pocket became heavier than it already was. But no, he didn't want to look at it. His phone would be full of birthday message from his friends, and he tired replying them. And looking at the messages would just make him wait more for a message he know would never come.

He already felt pathetic enough today and didn't want to top it with anything unnecessary. Just a week ago, his grandma passed away, and so he decided to back home and accompany his mother. But the way to work from his house actually farther and he had to stay late at the funeral home for helping his family preparing the funeral. Morning at work, night at funeral home. In the end, he catch a cold now because of these tiring days. And since Monday is his birthday, his mother convinced him to stay until Sunday so they could celebrate it. His mother cooked him all his favorites. And Kento felt happy enough, because this actually helped his mother distract herself from their recent lost.  
They had dinner together and drink champagne. He loves it and his family knows. He allowed himself to be happy for his parents' sakes. At least he would get March 13th all for himself to feel unhappy, he thought.

Well, it turned out that his birthday was indeed a bad day for him. First he was almost late for work (he had to run into the building so he could save his life, but that just made his flu worsen). And then he forgot that he had some files to finish by the end of the day. When he was busy doing all the works, he got called by the managers. He totally forgot that today was the evaluation day. And as he could predict, the managers kind of scold him for losing his focus in the past few months.  
It's not like he could help it, but the fight between him and Fuma really affect his life that much. He didn't intend to tell everything to Fuma, yet he somehow lost his control and spit everything out. He regret ever said something to Fuma, because now he didn’t know what he should do.

He finally could gather his courage and sent Fuma a birthday present along with a letter. He thought to himself, if Fuma call him again after read the letter, then he would like to try everything again, building their friendship again. But if Fuma didn't call him, then that's it, he will stop wasting his time to think about him. In the end Fuma didn't call, and he also didn't send him any message. He thought that this must be Fuma's way telling him that he didn’t want to be friend with him again. He prepared himself for the worst, but apparently his heart wasn't ready for this outcome.

Bad day and bad mood, what a perfect way to celebrate his birthday, he thought. And these people just top everything up with just being there with their phones. Lucky for him, after a few minutes waiting, the bus came.  
When he got into the bus, it was quiet empty and he still could find a seat. Everyone still fixed with their phones. Some of them were laughing, and the other just lazily scrolling down their screen. He really didn't want to look at his phone, but his phone was the only thing that could save him from this situation. So he sighed and eventually got his phone out. There are few messages from his friends wishing him happy birthday, he replied them with 'thanks' and emojis. One of the good things from texting is you can still deceive people with emojis so they won't know your actual feeling.  
Suddenly he remembered Fuma and how he could easily tell all the lies under his messages. Fuma is the only one that could see the hidden lies under Kento's words and that's one of many reasons why Fuma is special to him.  
Kento sighed again and decided to read the news instead. 

He lazily scrolled down his phone until he feel bored and decided to just get off on the next stop. It took around 30 minutes walking to his apartment from there but he needed the walk to clear his head. He stopped by the konbini and contemplating whether he should get himself drunk or not. But after a deep thought, he chose colas instead. He didn't want to risk his career life. Not like this. And he also looked at the book section. Read some boring mangas before he decided to just buy a random interior design magazine.

He walked home while drinking cola and listening to music. And it actually backstabbing, because as soon as the third song played, he remember Fuma again. The song he listened was called "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum. Kento loves the song but as he listened carefully to the lyrics, the more he wanted to call Fuma.  
Despite feeling a lot more pathetic when listening to that song, Kento put it on repeat until he reach his apartment door. He opened the door and thought that he must be drunk. Because he started to see Fuma inside his apartment. He stood there for a minute looking at the face of his friend sitting on the couch. Do people really could get drunk just because of colas? His eyebrows furrow as he thought about the possibility. He decided to just close the door and walked inside. He still deeply think about what was that, the one sitting on his couch as he get off from his shoes and walked around the room to place the things he bought earlier on the kitchenette. 

"Kento, are you drunk?"

Okay, now that thing creep him out. Because your imagination don’t talk back to you. Or do they?  
"No, he's not real. I better sleep now" he talked to himself.  
But then his imagination grabbed his hand and it felt too real.  
"Kento, it's me!"  
Kento took a better look at him and realized he's not drunk and the one in front of him was Fuma. The real Fuma.  
"B-But..." he wanted to ask him how could he become real, but it just came as a stutter.  
"It's really me, Kento." Fuma tried to convince him.  
"How...? You…" Kento couldn't get the full question out again but Fuma understand him, so he answered,  
"I'm sorry I let myself in without your consent, but I went to your house and your mom said that you've moved to leave alone. Then she drove me here, and opened the door for me and told me that I should wait here until you come back. She even left the key to me". Fuma showed him the key his mother gave him.  
"My mother...?" Kento couldn't believe it that his mom did all that. What does she means by doing all of this?

Kento decided that this is too much. But he couldn't say anything to Fuma and not to mention that his brain was kind of slow even though he wasn't drunk. Fuma seems turned awkward though. He should find something to say to Kento but he kinda lost his words, so he started with this, "this is not what I came all here for".  
Kento looked at Fuma, questioning look on his face.  
"Well...... Firstly, I think I should remind you that I'm not good with words so please don't jump to any conclusions until I'm convinced that you do understand what I mean" Fuma said.  
"Did something happen?" now Kento looked worried because everytime Fuma become awkward like this, there must be a bad news for him to hear.  
"Yes! I mean no! Not really...."  
"What is it, Fuma?" Kento started to lose his patience.  
"Well, you see... I've been a moron for a long time now and I don't want to be that anymore......." Fuma stopped and looked at his hands instead of looking at Kento. He took a deep breathe once, took Kento’s right hand and hold it before throw his eyes back to Kento again.  
“I’ll put it simply… I love you. And I have had enough of my life without you. Will you forgive me and accept my feelings?”  
Kento popped his eyes, totally shock by the confession. He didn’t anticipate for this kind of outcome, so he just stared at Fuma, confused how to react. Fuma could see the shock in Kento’s eyes and suddenly he thought about the worst possibility that could have happen to them so he asked,  
“Or did you seeing someone right now? I-I’m sorry if I bothe….”  
“No!” Kento answered automatically. “I’m not seeing anyone right now”.  
“So… you just hate me to the point that you won’t forgive me?” Fuma asked again, worried.  
“No! It’s not like that too. It just, I’m so confuse right now. Why are you confessing to me? Because I have loved you for years and you never seems to love me back”.  
“I’m sorry for making you have to deal with my antics for years, but actually when you’re gone, I realized that all this time I’m in love with you” Fuma answered and took a deep breathe before he continued,  
“But I was too afraid to admit it, so I acted like I didn’t care to hide these feelings from you”.  
Kento really wanted to believe at his words but somehow something inside his head telling him to doubt Fuma’s confessions.  
“Well, I don’t even know anymore whether you mean your every word or not right now… I sent you letter, but you didn’t respond”  
The frustration showing on Fuma’s face, he knows it won’t be easy because he messed things up so bad, but still he have to make things right again. He should keep trying until Kento could believe him again.  
“That’s actually why I decided to face you now. I really wanted to call you. I swear I was so close to touch the call button so I could hear your voice again, but somehow I lost the courage” Fuma started to explained himself, and he continued.  
“I’ve spent the last 6 days contemplating the best way to answer your letter, your feelings. And in the end I chose to face you. Because if I want to confess to you, I want it to happen like this, when we are face to face. I don’t want to confess to you through a call or worst, a message. So I decided to come here, coming to you”.  
It’s hard to believed that Fuma was here, confessing all his feelings to him. But Kento knew by the look in his eyes, that he means every word he said, and now he sees no more reason to fight his confession and decided to accept it.  
Kento keep looking at Fuma’s face, drinking all the expressions he missed in the past few months. His hand started to move and he cupped Fuma’s cheek. Fuma lean to the touch. And Kento took one step closer to Fuma so their faces are only centimeters away. He closed his eyes and Fuma could read where this is all going so he closed his eyes too and slowly their lips met. 

It was the most innocent kiss they ever have so far, but the most overwhelming one. Both of them could feel the warm inside their hearts, and they felt like coming back home after lost their ways for too long.  
When they finally decided that they both need some air to breathe, they stopped the kissing and looked at each other. Their faces turned red, and Fuma couldn’t hold his wide grin.  
“So, is this your way for answering my feelings and telling me that you forgive me?” Fuma asked. He still grinning but he couldn’t hide the anxiety that showed in his eyes.  
Kento started to smile and think that he might accepted his feelings and forgave him, but he still need Fuma to repay all the years he spent alone agonizing his feelings towards him.  
“I accepted your feelings, but it might be hard for me to fully forgive you, after all the things you made me suffered” no hard feeling could be heard from his words because Kento just want to play him around, and Fuma fully aware of that. The anxiety was gone from Fuma, and he could honestly smile from his heart. And his smiles warmed his heart so much.  
He loves Fuma, and now he knows that Fuma loves him too. Before, his love for this younger boy was something that he couldn’t put into words. Now, he still can’t fully put it into words, but the reasons are different. Because in the past, he was afraid, but now, he just loves him so much, that words are not enough to convey it.  
“Oh, it’s okay. After all we are together now, and I’ll have all the years ahead to pay you back for everything since we will live together from now on” Fuma said with wide smile and Kento was shocked, he couldn’t believe that Fuma just said that.  
“Since when I agree to live together with you?” he said it with laugh. And Fuma raised his hand to show him the key his mother gave him earlier.  
“Well, it seems like to me your mother wants me to move in here”.  
“What?” Kento laughed. But before he could say anything, Fuma already continued.  
“I bet you will want me to move in with you too, after I give you my birthday present. And actually I’m afraid you will try to integrate me to your bed after this, but well, I jumped myself to this already and if it’s with you, I don’t mind staying on your bed all day long”. Kento popped his eyes, totally didn’t see it coming from Fuma. And his face grew redder after hearing Fuma’s words. That just made Fuma’s smile grew even wider and he grabbed Kento’s hand, leading him to the obvious room while saying,  
“Come on, before it’s not your birthday anymore!”.


End file.
